Horror movie tunnels

Alright follow me on this.

This is your typical New Year's blog post. Sorry. Obligatory (I actually got a harassment call from some guy named Franky at blogger.com threatening me within an inch of my life if I didn't post something).

Here are my thoughts about the New Year and me.

Have you ever seen those horror movies where people are running away from some dreaded pin-headed, metal finger-nailed, pointy-toothed creature. They are running and running and running, then the camera pulls back and the tunnel just keeps getting longer and longer - they don't seem to progress at all.

I have often felt like that's what the process of our being "made new" is like. We work and pray and strive and just when we think we are making progress we look up and the journey is so much further. Or like that scene at the end of one of the Lord of the Rings movies: Frodo and Sam spend the whole movie dodging spiders, giant creatures made of fire, slimy green schizophrenics and horse riding skeletons and finally scale mountain. We think the movie is over! They made it! Yes! But NOOOOOO. Camera pulls back and several miles in the distance you see the harsh glow of Mordor. So many more trials left to endure. I remember a feeling massive sense of pop-cultural injustice at that scene. I wanted closure. I wanted results.

Our journey is a lot like that.

So here's my resolve for 2011:

Phillipians says:
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (3:13b-14)

I'm forgetting what is behind. What's done is done. What is confessed is forgiven. What is history can be analyzed or dissected and learned from but I know that I could remain paralyzed in hurt and fear and resentment. I'm forgetting what is behind.

I'm straining toward what is ahead. I don't know what lies ahead. I know I've faced some fire-breathers in my day. I have been Gollum. But I choose to let the Spirit continue to work on and in me, though there may be days I see no results or progress. It is a strain. My soul aches from the strain. I wonder if there are times that God pushes us to the edge of what we believe and forces us to look around. To see the bleak world that lies beyond what our acknowledgment of who He is and what He can, will, can't or won't do. That is a frightening place to be. But that's the reality of where we are. The reality of where I am. And I am forced to ask myself the question of whether or not I have the courage to believe enough to take the next step. I'm straining toward what is ahead.

And there's a prize. I have to believe that. I have to tell myself that it's not American-consumerist-egocentricity to just take that scripture at face value. I don't know what the prize is. But even the gift of peace in the middle of fiery trials is enough for me.

So that's my resolve.

And I want to train for and run a half marathon.

And I want to have a good relationship with my wife and kids. And parents.

And I'm not going to self loathe (as much).

And I'm going to write more.

I'm resolving to try and embrace life. Hard as it may be. I can't do it myself. I'll need your help. And God's too.